I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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