I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
