so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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