I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
