Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
