I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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