he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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