Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
