I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
