Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
