Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
