It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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