what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
