you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
don't judge my taste in strippers
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
