I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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