he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize