Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
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I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you made out with another girl for some wings
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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