New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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