I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
