i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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