This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
