So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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