Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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