i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
