shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
