Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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