I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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