CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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