Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
