The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
