Pants 0. Shit 1.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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