I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
