to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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