I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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