Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
