why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
This is not my ceiling
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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