You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
nutella sex= disaster
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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