Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
