I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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