please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
