I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
