you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
