a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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