The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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