exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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