ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
