1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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