You're my little dorito
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just high enough for therapy.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
