he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
