wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
