well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
