Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
