Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
