I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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