Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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