I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The uberlube is also flammable
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
