You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
