I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
