i jhust puked up my retainher.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
