you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
