My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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