Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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