well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my fart just growled at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
