I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
