Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
