I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My vagina is very pro this idea
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
