Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
