Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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