I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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