Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
soo... how was my night?
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