half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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