biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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