I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
