i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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