Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
