3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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