how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
