Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
