I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
