If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to calm my uterus...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
