Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
