Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
