You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
