I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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