Fuck appropriateness.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
