I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
