Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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